3 Irrational beliefs - excerpts

He identified three irrational core beliefs that cause the most trouble:

#1: "I absolutely MUST, at all times, perform outstandingly well and win the approval of significant others. If I fail in these important—and sacred—respects, that is awful and I am a bad, incompetent, unworthy person, who will probably always fail and deserves to suffer."

#2: "Other people with whom I relate absolutely MUST, under practically all conditions, treat me nicely, considerately, and fairly. Otherwise, it is terrible and they are rotten, bad, unworthy people who will always treat me badly and should be severely punished for acting so abominably to me."

#3: "The conditions under which I live absolutely MUST, at practically all times, be favorable, safe, hassle-free, and quickly and easily enjoyable. If they are not, it's awful and horrible and I can't ever enjoy myself at all. My life is hardly worth living."

 ....But many pastors, me included, are self-identified people-pleasers. We know that it's irrational to expect everyone's approval, yet we still sometimes feel devastated by one unhappy congregant.

What are the consequences of this irrational belief? Your sense of worth becomes as unstable as the fickle opinions of others. You ride a roller coaster of ecstasy and pain. Your identity depends on the person who sings your praises today, or who calls for your resignation tomorrow.

...Anyone who has ever led a church knows that expecting everyone to treat you nicely is the whopper of irrational beliefs. Church is a place for broken, sinful, messed up people, yet we're surprised when they behave like broken, sinful, messed up people. Pastors should know better, but we don't.

...We cannot eliminate hassle from our lives, but we can diminish its impact. Many of life's stressors can be attributed to the lack of margin. With no margin, one delay, one extra crisis, or one walk-in appointment can be enough to tip us over the edge. Margin is one of the least expensive luxuries in life and costs no more than the time it takes to sit down in front of a calendar and mark certain days and times as off limits.

Leadership