Healthy people often say they want to die suddenly, says Ira Byock, author of Dying Well and director of palliative medicine at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center, yet quick deaths leave much uncompleted. They are the most difficult type of death for families to accept. "In contrast to an abrupt, easy death," writes Byock, "dying of a progressive illness offers precious opportunities to complete the most important of life's relationships."
Often relationships cannot be completed—which Byock defines as having nothing left unsaid—without forgiveness. From the Cross, Jesus says, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing." Jesus forgave the very people who mocked and killed him. If we hold grudges or harbor anger, those who work with the dying say, peaceful deaths only come after we offer forgiveness. Forgiving is a Christian duty throughout our lives, but it is an essential part of the work of dying. Seeking forgiveness is equally important. Asking for forgiveness helps complete relationships with friends and family. And knowing that we need forgiveness helps us overcome the temptation of spiritual pride.
Rob Moll, Christianity Today 5th April 2007
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